The Cox Vox

On Maturity

2009-06-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

I recently took a Facebook quiz that claimed to assess my mental age. Turns out, I'm 35 years older than I thought I was.

Indeed, many of my friends are at least five years my senior, and I find that talking with my contemporaries is, more often than not, socially taxing. People I would have guessed were a decade younger, based on their conversation habits, turn out to be my age or older. Of course, making new friends presents a challenge, since most folks aren't looking to be reminded of their advancing age by being around someone who doesn't (yet) need reading glasses and whose 401K is still 80% invested in stocks.

Does this mean I'm a loser, destined to have a dozen cats and talk to myself while sitting at bus stops? Should I start hanging out at the Senior Center (where, unfortunately, at least two of my friends visit regularly), enroll in a Cane-Fu class and refer to young people as whippersnappers? Or, is there hope for those of us who are caught in time; whose experiences have aged our life filter at an unenviable rate?

I worry that by the time I'm 80 (knock on proverbial wood), there won't be anyone left for me to talk to. Although the AARP and Senior discounts might make up for it.

Image courtesy of szlea

1+1 = 1?

2009-05-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

In the California Bay Area, many roads offer carpool lanes. Near San Francisco, some carpool lanes require three passengers, but most in the Bay require two.

Sometimes, cars with multiple passengers choose to ride in "normal" lanes of traffic, even though they qualify for the (usually faster moving) carpool lane. I can see reasons why they might do this - perhaps they're planning to exit soon or are intimidated by the carpool lane's traffic speed. I certainly appreciate their choice, since there are few things more irritating than a carpool lane slowpoke who manages, through his reduced speed, to negate the carpool advantage, perhaps even traveling slower than traffic in the other lanes.

What perplexes me, though, is drivers who don't take advantage of the carpool lane available at onramp metering lights.

If you're unfamiliar, onramp metering lights are stoplights positioned at freeway entrances. They turn green at a timed interval, allowing one car to merge on to the freeway at a time, the objective being to avoid bottlenecks. Carpoolers enjoy a light that turns green almost immediately; no matter how many people are waiting in the single-passenger lane(s), the carpool lane moves at faster pace, and the wait is usually many cars shorter.

Every morning, I sit at a metering light on my way to work. And, almost every morning, I see at least one multi-passenger vehicle that could be zooming past me, but isn't. Why wouldn't you choose to use the onramp carpool lane? Maybe some folks really enjoy each others' company and want to stretch out the commute as long as possible. But, I can't think of a reason that makes sense to me. Can you?

Image courtesy of ASHCROFT54

WC Adventures

2009-02-25T09:00:00.000-08:00

Ah, public restrooms. They’ve been the source of many embarrassing moments. From the forgotten zipper to the Senator Craig episode, all sorts of calamitous incidents can result from performing one of the least graceful tasks that many of us are forced to perform in a communal forum.

I recently endured my own scarred-for-life moment when I used a single occupant restroom. By now, I’m pretty practiced at using the lavatory, but on this occasion, I’ve continued to second guess myself.

What’s the source of my anxiety? As I exited the facility, I found an executive at my company waiting next in line. Never before have I lost so much confidence in one moment. I immediately began to ponder if the toilet had flushed properly - why didn’t I check?? Was the toilet paper cleanly ripped, or were there unsightly jagged edges? Would my exec overlook any uncleanliness as routine for a public washroom, or would any “debris” lead to harsh judgments about my lack of personal hygiene?

The jury is still out regarding whether I’m going to be able to look this executive in the eye. One thing’s for sure. Whenever I see him, I’m going to check whether there’s toilet paper on my shoe.

Image courtesy of Clairity

At Your Fingertips

2008-07-31T09:00:00.000-07:00

Someone’s been reading my blog. Somebody powerful.

Two years ago, I blogged about my concern that our body parts would be taken by thieves in the New World. But, Lo and Behold, my cries of concern were heard by the mighty. I recently read that some European and South African banks have changed the path of technology just, I presume, to suit me.

These banks are testing fingerprint scanning devices that have a clever twist. The devices let consumers designate a “panic finger” that can be used if a customer is being forced to authenticate a transaction.

Even if a criminal takes a whole hand, he won’t know which finger might set off alarms, making the amputation risky. Moreover, the devices have to detect circulating blood to work.

So, say goodbye to your fears of being the next Captain Hook. Thanks to me, your security and your fingers will be a little safer.

Image courtesy of aussiegall

A Day With A Stray

2008-03-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

Last week, my dog and I came upon a police officer saving a small puppy from the terrors of the busy street it was ignorantly playing in. The officer was a dog-lover, but couldnʼt keep the pup in her vehicle for the five hours it would be until the local shelter opened.

In a split second of compassion, I offered to keep the dog for a few hours and to take it to the county shelter. As a thank you, the officer gave us all a ride home (riding in [the front seat of] an emergency vehicle is seriously cool), so I wouldnʼt have to carry the pup in my arms for the remainder of our walk.

Wiener, as I named him for his hot dog like appearance, was a cute surprise. Very similar to my 3-year old dog in markings, Wiener could have been my dogʼs son. The two played for most of the morning, with Wiener even learning a thing or two from observation - like how to go through a doggy door and what neighbors didnʼt require a warning bark.

When I dropped Wiener off at the shelter, though, I was hit with the reality of the plight of stranded and abandoned dogs. The staff was not nearly as optimistic as I that Wiener had a shot at being placed in a forever home. I got the impression that they felt I had wasted my time by cleaning his ears and coat - after all, why bother with cleanliness when your days are numbered?

They were, though, equally annoyed as I that Wiener had a collar, but no tags and no microchip. He wasnʼt neutered either, paving the way for him to create even more strays during his free time.

I doubt anyone reading this column needs to be reminded that communities rely on pet owners to take adequate care of their dogs. For some reason though, people continue to see pets as disposable property that they need not protect properly. This was my third time at the shelter (the other times I was getting my dogʼs license), and it was the third time that I was there when an owner, having given as much thought to the act of relinquishing her dog as she apparently gave to procuring it, came into the shelter pleading for the dogʼs return.

Geez, people.

Image courtesy of sleestak66.
Note: This female dog isn't Wiener, but she looks just as forlorn as he.

The Balance of Favors

2007-11-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

"Can you do me a favor? Can you drive me from San Jose to Cleveland?"

"Can you pick me up some milk - and some bread - and some lunch meat - and some mustard - and some cheese? Here, let me just make you a list."

"Got a minute?” [Four hours later] “Thanks!"

When I get requests like these from the same person more than once, I generally say no. Some people may think my reaction is unfeeling or the antithesis of being a friend. To me, it’s a practical way to assure I don’t get used or use up my ability to assist people who truly have the intention and capability to reciprocate.

I admit it - I keep score. When assessing the value of my friendships, I weigh how often someone has asked for a massive favor against how many times they’ve “repaid” it. I know favors are supposed to be something we do without the expectation of compensation. But, how could most of us not have an internal scale that prompts us to level a balance that’s tipped too far in our benefit?

Recently, of course, I had to ask a relative and a couple of friends for favors that were, in my book, extraordinary. While I was assured the services were “no problem”, given my feelings about unrewarded kindness, I can’t help wishing there was something immediate I could do to materially thank them for their help.

So, to my sibling and two friends who have graciously offered to come to my aid, I confirm that I will repay my debt - even if I have to pay cash.

Image courtesy of ndrwfgg

On Avoidance

2007-10-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

Many of my friends are married with children. This makes getting together at the same time for, say, a party, very difficult. There’s always a soccer game, swimming class or grocery shopping trip to attend. When I send out eVites, the “Not Attending” list is usually twice the size of the “Attending” list, with a good 30% of the planned attendees canceling at the last minute.

What amuses, me, though, are the stated reasons for absences. Rather than “I have to take my child to a pottery class”, the alternate commitments expressed by people for my last party ranged from “surgery” to “moving to Houston.” I guess I’m that bad; people who know me will go to the hospital and move to another state to avoid attending one of my functions.

Soon, I expect to read “I’ll be orbiting Earth” on the list of reasons.

Image courtesty of Jeff Bucchino, “The Wizard of Draws”

A Weighty Issue

2007-09-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

My growing beer belly has prompted me to join a weight loss program. Part of the program is going to meetings, ostensibly to exchange support with others who are also working to shed pounds. Being around other overweight people who converse openly about their challenges and fears has been great. Not because I’ve come away with great weight loss tips, but mainly because I’m able to see how far I’ve come.

It’s been a while since I’ve felt self-conscious enough about my weight to let it stop me from being successful and sociable. While I tend to be critical and crotchety, that’s due to my stellar personality, not my feelings about my weight. Listening to my fellow “lifestyle changers” though, I was saddened to hear just how many folks equate being thin with happiness.

When asked why they were trying to lose weight, most people said something like “to be healthy” or “to fit into my favorite jeans.” But a heartbreaking number of people gave responses like “so I can finally be happy”, “so I can get a date” or “so people will finally invite me to parties”. I’m not judging these people’s expectations as “right” or “wrong”, but for me, it’s upsetting that we’ve collectively built a way of thinking that makes people conclude they’re not acceptable unless they’re thin.

Some people’s lives may significantly change with the burst of self esteem that can result from weight loss. For me, though, I realized a few years ago that people of all shapes and sizes are liked and loved. If you are a Self that no one wants to be around, it doesn’t matter how thin you are.

That said, I wholeheartedly acknowledge that, despite the majority of Americans

being overweight, discrimination against fat people is one of the last socially acceptable forms of prejudice in this country. It’s just a darn shame that we’ve taught Americans to judge their potential by what they see in the mirror.

Image courtesy of mandj98

Three

2007-09-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

Steven Segal is not a good actor. But, he’s been given parts in many movies, some of which have even made a lot of money. I happened to flip past one of those movies on cable last weekend and had a startling revelation. Has anyone else noticed that the titles of most of Segal’s movies have exactly three words?

Above the Law, Hard to Kill, Marked for Death, Out for Justice, On Deadly Ground, The Glimmer Man, Fire Down Below, Half Past Dead, Out of Reach, Into the Sun, Today You Die, Mercenary for Justice, Flight of Fury. Forty-three percent of the movies with which Segal is credited have exactly three words in the title. This number jumps to an amazing seventy percent when one examines the titles of Segal’s first 10 films.

Why is this, I wonder? Coincidentally, Segal has also has been married (and divorced) three times, and I suspect his ponytail is at least three inches long. Perhaps Segal believes the number three is “lucky” and has worked to include the number in as many aspects of his life as possible? If that’s the case, maybe there’s another number that can help him improve his talent and temper his tendency to be perceived as an obnoxious jerk. Come to think of it, many of us could take advantage of that number. ;-)

Image courtesy of mrbill

Insecurity

2007-07-26T09:00:00.000-07:00

Do you like for things to go right? If so, stay as far away as possible from Sight and Sound “Security”.

When I purchased my newly constructed home, I paid a $2000 premium to have my home’s security system installed by the builder’s preferred vendor. I was assured that choosing Sight and Sound (and their associated high prices) was the only way to ensure the installation would be error free and conclude before escrow closed.

Wrong on both counts. Installation of my system took five appointments, 8 weeks, and my bewilderment that a company could be that incompetent. To illustrate, I’ve inserted a “#” symbol every time the company missed one of its promises or demonstrated below market performance.

Masters of Incompetence
I should have known things would go badly when I called to set up my initial appointment. The customer service rep didn’t think she’d be able to send someone out for weeks. # She valiantly volunteered to take care of the appointment herself, but was 2 hours late # for the appointment date.

To add salt to this now gaping wound, Sight and Sound’s sparsely populated website, which doesn’t elicit much confidence in the company’s longevity, directs customers(!) to take responsibility for the company’s lack of responsiveness #: "If we miss an appointment...please call...to inquire." Too bad it takes them nearly half a day to respond to customer inquiries.

Appointment 1: Appointment 1 was supposed to be an orientation for an already installed system. Unfortunately, after the (late) representative arrived, it was revealed that the system’s installation was never completed. # So much for the $2000 premium.

Appointment 2: The technician didn’t arrive with the parts needed to complete the installation. What?? #

Appointment 3: The technician finally installed all the parts but didn’t test the system before calling it a day. # When I performed my own test a few days later, I discovered the intrusion alarm didn’t sound #, and a motion detector # and window sensor # didn’t function.

Appointment 4: The technician discovers that he cut a wire too short #, causing it to separate from the motion detector. Unfortunately, while determining this, he loses the wire in the dry wall. Oops. # Now, I face the possibility that my wall will have to be destroyed in order to find the rogue wire. Are you kidding? The technician makes a smart move and offers me a wireless transmitter, obviating the need to find the wire. The problem: I'll have to wait for the needed parts to be ordered.

Appointment 5a: Rather than be inconvenienced with trying to coordinate an appointment for me, the customer service rep who answers my call gives me the cell phone number of the technician who’s been handling my case. Too bad he apparently never checks his voicemail. #

Appointment 5b: By now, I’ve contacted the builder, who has intervened and set up my final appointment. My system is at last installed. Under pressure from the builder, Sight and Sound offers me several months of free monitoring, but oops, the system isn’t currently connected to a phone line, so another appointment would be required. You can likely guess my response.

It’s good to know that a company that specializes in security is so good at what they do.

Image courtesy of vrogy

Gaming the System

2007-07-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

You know those “collect and enter” games that companies like McDonald’s and Coca-Cola routinely promote? These games are a pretty good way to promote customer loyalty (if only for a short time) without having to spend very much money. The chances of an individual (even with the aid of friends and family) collecting enough appropriate game pieces to win an item of significant value are small.

With the arrival of the Internet, you’d think these kind of games would have lost their luster. In these days of social networking, it’s possible for volumes of people to band together to collectively assemble the game pieces needed to win big. This doesn’t appear to be happening, though.*

I haven’t researched the recent results of such games, but I haven’t seen any mainstream news coverage suggesting people are winning at a greater rate. Why not? I can only assume that human nature has once again prompted us to cut off our noses to spite our collective faces.*

Pooling resources in these circumstances usually demands that a single stranger initially benefit (e.g. a team sends all of its game pieces to a single player). The remaining team members have to trust that the benefiting player will remember them when the time comes to share the proceeds. Many people don’t have this trust. Or, the players have to be willing to share for sharing’s sake. Ha.*

Despite the fact that most of these players would have won nothing on their own, my guess is that people are still stubborn enough not to let someone else win if there’s nothing in it for them.*

Of course, if too many people were to begin winning these contests, the games might become too expensive for the companies to continue to sponsor. It’s just amazing to me, though, how, along with all of our technical advances, human beings have continued to perfect the art of shooting ourselves in the foot.*

* Want to prove me wrong? If you drink Coke, Diet Coke, Fresca, Sprite, Dasani water, Fanta, Barq's or Mr. Pibb, email me the code under your bottle cap or inside your 12-pack case. We’ll see how many people are willing to share out of the goodness of their hearts.

Image courtesy of lukasd2009

Movin'

2007-06-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

Do you know Anna Douglas? If you’re selling or buying a home, you should.

As I prepared to move to a new home this spring, I researched and interviewed seven Realtors in my quest not to repeat my past, horrific real estate transaction experiences. One reason I chose Anna was her ability to mirror my own style: friendly, but firm. I also selected her for her ability to see her industry for what it can be: expert help for families (including families of one) making life-changing choices.

During our interview conversation, Anna was the only Realtor whose first questions were about my past real estate experiences and what kind outcome would make me happy. Rather than asking me how many upgrades I had implemented or how much money I had to spend, Anna wanted to understand my concerns. While assessing customer needs before presenting an offer may be obvious to many sales professionals and marketers, such methodology was refreshing for me to find in a Realtor.

Anna made my bracing for an excruciating experience unnecessary. She cheerfully and proactively read over every contract and sought vendor quotes for painters, carpet cleaners, handymen and movers. During a walkthrough of my new home, Anna pointed out and requested fixes for defects that I don’t think are visible to the ordinary human eye. Ultimately, Anna was willing to do almost anything to keep my home buying and selling experiences free of stress.

While this behavior was perhaps a “day at the office” for Anna, like a physician who has healed a painful ailment, Anna may never know how much her caring service meant to me. Regular readers of The Cox Vox will probably not be surprised to learn that I rarely offer rave reviews for people I pay. But, at the end of this experience, I felt compelled not only to write Anna’s praises, but to get her a housewarming gift.

On Jury Duty

2007-05-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

Three days. Three agonizing days. That’s how long I spent listening to the views of other residents in my county on prostitution, defense attorneys, politicians, police officers and DNA evidence.

Where was I, you ask? Serving my time as a potential criminal trial juror, of course.

I’m not one to cast stones at a process that’s been in motion for hundreds of years. But, I found it heartbreaking that questionnaires completed by each potential juror prior to questioning by the cases’ attorneys didn’t spare them from having to air their private laundry in front of 100+ strangers.

On the bright side, I was humbled to learn that many of my peers who have experienced painful, in some cases unspeakable, acts manage to, almost everyday, sport the positive veneer of content people. Folks whom I got to know as nice, funny individuals during our 3 days of service shocked me close to tears with details of terrible events they were asked to re-live.

What I don’t understand is why the written versions of these tales weren’t enough to excuse these jurors. Why would any defense attorney want to further interview someone whose questionnaire response already revealed a strong bias against the defendant? It seems to me doing so only served to further harm the wounded.

Five days into the trail, the defendant plead guilty. I can only hope that the defendant’s admission of guilt and subsequent sentencing will prove meaningful for those courageous people who put civic duty ahead of personal pain.

Image courtesy of Joe Gratz

What a pain!

2007-04-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

Five months ago, I walked into my dentist’s office for my bi-annual checkup. An insurance switch required that I choose a different dentist, and I was pleasantly surprised by my new doctor’s tranquil facility: soothing music in the waiting area, patient chairs with built-in massage and a DVD of my choice playing on a ceiling-anchored plasma screen.

My current doctor’s level of care and apparent knowledge surpasses that of any dentist I’ve seen in my lifetime, so I wasn’t surprised when he identified several issues with my teeth. Trouble was, I wasn’t in any discomfort at the time of that visit.

Now, after “fixing the problems”, I am.

What is it about teeth that can be so mystifying and painful? It’s been several months of cheek-rubbing and above-average-dose-ibuprofren-taking, and The Team* has yet to figure out the problem with one of my teeth. I’ve even had a root canal, but like some freak alien, I still feel pain - despite that the absence of nerves should make this impossible.

The good news is, once diagnosed, my newly discovered periodontal ailment will likely be named after me. “Cox Chops” has a certain ring to it.

* My term for the aggregate of my dentist, endodontist and me.

Image courtesy of Phil Aaronson

For A Few Dollars More

2007-03-01T09:00:00.000-08:00

I recently took a trip to Miami and stayed at the Courtyard (by Marriott). Its rooms are nice enough and the people were pleasant.

The problem? Across the street was a real Marriott hotel. You know, one where you don’t have to pay extra for bed sheets. To make matters worse, the Courtyard’s daily rate was almost as much as the Marriott’s. In my mind, the minor cost savings wasn’t worth the difference in facilities, but you can judge for yourself using the table below.

	Courtyard Marriott	Real Marriott
Gym	Three treadmills and a 20 year-old bike.	Well-furnished exercise room, complete with Sauna.
Meeting Rooms	Don’t you mean meeting room (singular)?	Several spacious, well-air conditioned rooms.
Restaurant	Gotcha! Our “restaurant” is actually a sandwich vending machine.	We have a host who greets you at the door and introduces you to your server.
Concierge	What’s a Con-see-arge?	“So sorry to see you go Mr. and Mrs. Jones! I hope you enjoyed your stay and will return to our hotel in the future. (Big smile)”
Bathroom amenities	Toilet paper so thin, you can see your face through it. Oh, and if you want hot water, make sure no one else in the building is taking a shower.	No need to bother trying to adjust to new airport security rules, We’ll provide all the toiletries you need. Oh, and our toilet paper is soft enough to use as a pillow.

Image courtesy of james.thomspon

Oh! What A Beautiful Morning

2007-02-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

I'm a morning person. No two ways about it. Given the choice between a morning meeting and one that starts late in the afternoon, I'll take the morning hands down.

Unfortunately, though, my window of daily optimistic alertness is dwindling, seemingly with age. My best hours are now only between about 10 AM and 2 PM - not so great for a work schedule that stretches at least 5 hours beyond that time frame. Rather than bounding out of bed in the morning to get to work, I tend to use my efficiency to rationalize spending more time under the covers.

Yes, I drink coffee. And, I work out in the morning to literally "jump start" my day. But while those things can be energizing, they both require I actually get out of bed to accomplish them.

I'm thinking of investing in one of those new fangled coffee machines that can be programmed to automatically produce a latte (vs. a plain old cup o' joe) in the morning. Perhaps the smell of a flavorful beverage wafting through the house will be irresistible.

Until then, I'll have to rely on the good old fashioned embarrassment and guilt that comes from having to sneak in "the back way" to work.

Image courtesy of jessicafm

On Diamonds and Disposable Income

2007-01-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

Can you tell the difference between a $1,500 diamond and a $100 well-set cubic zirconium? How many of us belong to circles in which people carry around monocles to check such details? Hint: not me.

So, why do people pay thousands of dollars for something that has no practical value, other than being pretty? While many diamonds are purchased for industrial use or investment purposes, a number of them are purchased as personal adornments that mainly remind the wearer of his or her disposable income.

But, then, there's the inimitable sparkle. While synthetic gems might "fool" 98% of the people, natural jewels have a brilliance that many people can detect, even if the viewer only registers a subconscious "something extra". And, of course, the person who sports the stones can delight in the knowledge that he or she is wearing "the real thing".

So, while it may seem illogical to some, splurging thousands on a pretty item can make sense. For many people, it's worth a mortgage payment to feel the inner joy that's only possible by experiencing a rare wonder. For some it's a Ferrari, for others: diamond cufflinks. And, if you own either, I want to be good friend$ with you.

Image courtesy of jurvetson

On Free Will

2007-01-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

The food excesses of the now-past holidays have me thinking: why is it that foods that are best for you are often the least appetizing?

While fruits contain natural sugars that increase the possibility of human consumption, most people (and my dog, who spits out carrots) agree that vegetables are not nearly as mouth-watering as desserts. Even those children who haven't (yet) been spoiled by sugary snacks screw up their faces in disgust when tasting many vegetables for the first time.

Which leads me back to the question: why don't vegetables taste better? Why didn't the Power(s) That Be provide an incentive for us to remain healthy with yummy vegetables? Not doing so is taking this Free Will thing a bit far, don't you think (wink)?

I recently read an article that suggests vegetable bitterness is part of veggies' natural protection plan. Vegetables, unlike fruits that benefit from seed distribution via animal feces, don't want to be eaten. To dissuade animals from ingesting them, many vegetables are bitter.

If this is really the way of natural selection, though, it's interesting that plants are smarter than many animals. Certainly chickens, cows, pigs, ducks, etc. could learn a thing or two about being less appealing to predators. Contrary to my science education, maybe vegetables are at the top of the food chain.

Image courtesy of ILoveButter

All Is Right With The World

2006-12-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

As we settle into this year's holiday season, I am once again thankful for the period between Halloween and New Year's Eve when people strain to be nice to each other.

You feel it. The euphoria that results from an overwhelming amount of food and excuses to shop year-end sales that emerge from every store. Of course, a sudden anticlimactic fall in enthusiasm follows - usually occurring at the end of Chanukah, with the arrival of Kwanzaa, with the departure of visitors or with the realization that what lies immediately ahead is the boredom of gift receipts and long exchange lines.

But, for those several weeks when we laugh with A Christmas Story, marvel at holiday lights, cheer with It's A Wonderful Life, and rejoice in the two minutes a year when our friends and family gather without fighting, we can all feel a little warmer inside and revisit the moments in our lives when we felt that all was right with the world.

Habari Gani, Happy Chanukah and Ho Ho Ho.

Image courtesy of alibree

To Pee or Not To Pee

2006-11-09T09:00:00.000-08:00

I recently adopted a dog from a local Rescue organization. While I feel fortunate to have found an adult dog with a temperament compatible with my own, like many abandoned or surrendered animals, my dog has his own quirks. One of them is that he is a very picky "eliminator."

This is a delicate subject, to be sure. But my vet, dog-owner friends and internet research haven't helped solve what should be a good problem: my dog won't "go" in my yard. My yard was covered in mulch, which apparently offended the delicate sensibilities of an animal who licks his own private area and enjoys the sweet smell of decomposing feces. I finally had to cover the desired toilet area in sod to get even a sniff of approval.

To-date, my dog will still only use my "yard toilet" as a last resort, preferring to hold, literally, out for a walk to the park. While I'm super-grateful that my dog hasn't identified an indoor spot that he prefers to use, I pray daily that my new companion will see the convenience and security that my yard offers.

To pee or not to pee in the yard. That, apparently, is my dog's question.

Image courtesy of Jeff "the Wizard of Draws" Bucchino

The Scourge of Halloween

2006-10-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

Halloween. That day- to weeks-long period when neighborhood children adopt the mentality of Lord of the Flies survivors.

The detached cruelty children perfect on the playground manifests itself as thrown eggs, TP'd trees and other unfunny pranks. Costumes cover the potential sweetness of childhood, becoming convenient masks to hide trouble makers' identities.

What happens to many children's parents at the end of October, I don't know. It seems that some guardians become afraid of their own charges, choosing to turn a blind eye to misconduct rather than face the perceived guilt of depriving a child of an American experience. Each year, I find myself secretly wishing that some tragedy would occur to remind these parents that the evening of October 31st isn't an exception to the need to provide supervision.

Yes, I'm turning into that Old Person who lives down the street, shaking a stick and yelling at children to "git off my lawn!". I finally understand, though, how it feels to be somewhat powerless in the face of a multitude of child-led attacks that are individually not worthy of complaint, but collectively enough to cause significant suffering.

So, this Halloween season, if you have children, how about spending some quality time with them? Follow your kids on their treating ("tricks" are unnecessary in civilized society), keeping an understandable distance, if needed, to prevent your child from suffering the indignity of being "uncool". A curfew would be nice, too. Your neighbors will thank you for being a parent every day of the year.

Image courtesy of Squiddly

Terminated

2006-09-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

I've worked as a volunteer with a community club for about two years. Recently, I tried unsuccessfully to log in to one of the club's online accounts. "Hmm. That's weird," I thought. "Must be that I typed the password in wrong." I carefully re-entered my username and password, only to again be denied access.

"Someone must have changed the password without telling me." I tried logging in to another club account. Again, no access. Now I was beginning to get suspicious. So, I sent the club an email, a copy of which I normally received. A day went by and no message.

Puzzled, I left messages for the club leaders. I received a cryptic return email indicating that the account passwords had indeed been changed. Concluding that something was up, I replied that, to me, it looked like my volunteer services were no longer needed. No club election had occurred to relieve me of my duties, but I'm no stranger to executive decisions.

A week later, the club confirmed that, as a result of "restructuring", I was no longer required to perform most of my duties.

This experience of "termination by surprise" got me thinking of the horror stories I've heard about people being fired by text message or learning of their termination when they arrived at work to find their belongings neatly placed with Security. Most recently, RadioShack used email to downsize its workforce.

I'm not sure why some leaders find it hard to tell their subordinates that a situation has changed. Maybe there have been one too many news reports about the negative reactions of disgruntled employees. I just hope that if I'm ever "let go" from my current job, I don't have to find out via voicemail.

Image courtesy of way opening

Personal Space

2006-08-31T09:00:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I did something I try never to do: I went grocery shopping on a Saturday. The place was packed, of course, with random children flying about and clueless shoppers focused on the top product rows, rather than the person in front of them who was inevitably bashed with the distracted party's cart. Space was at a premium, but as many Americans do, most shoppers took care not to come within more than a foot of everyone else.

Except the woman behind me in the checkout line.

Many cultures and crowded city occupants don't observe the same amount of personal space that I do - usually because their living area's population density makes doing so impractical. But, the woman behind me was standing so close that she blocked my access to the electronic signature pad required to pay my bill. Her teenage companion didn't move to help when both I and the register attendant repeatedly asked the woman, who seemed determined to mimic a sardine in a can, to move away.

Finally, I had to physically nudge the woman from the terminal. To my horror, she immediately squeezed back so close that, if I didn't know better, I'd say she was (i) perpetually fascinated by electronic objects, (ii) coming on to me, or (iii) trying to steal my identity.

In any case, I'm still left with a sense of "what was that?".

Image courtesy of Jaycross

On Healthy Eating

2006-08-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

I recently saw a vending machine in my office that claims to be "Your Healthy Eating Place." I work at a company that encourages its employees to exercise and requires them to stay ergonomically aware, so a vending machine that fit with this healthy culture was, happily, not a surprise.

What confuses me, though, is the actual assortment of items that this machine offers. Has American culture become so gluttonous that Junior Mints, Reese's Pieces, and Cheetos are now "healthy"?

Maybe these choices are healthier rather than healthy. After all, in a culture in which a Burger King appears every 15 feet, a small bag of chips is a better choice than a 1000 calorie hamburger.

But, how hard is it to put Baked Lays in the vending machine rack rather than Ho Hos? Small wonder many Americans don't think twice about downing donuts as an afternoon snack rather than a more nutritious alternative.

Of course, free will is a wondrous thing - and so are home-packed bag lunches containing the kind of food one wants to eat.

Image courtesy of jetalone

On Heat

2006-08-03T21:00:00.000-07:00

I'm frugal. I mean cheap. And, when in comes to running central heating and air, I would rather freeze or melt than turn on a machine that will cost me money just for the sake of my comfort.

I grew up in a house without an integrated heating and cooling system. Winter evenings involved standing directly in front of the fireplace until it was time for bed - at which point I ran as fast as I could to my bedroom and did a little dance under the covers until my body heat warmed the ice cold sheets. Staying cool during the summer meant lying on the ground in my underwear, working to remain immobilized in front of a pitifully small fan.

While these tactics weren't enjoyable, they did make me think I could deal with temperature changes with relative vigor.

Recently, however, we in the Bay Area, California experienced a heat wave whose length and severity was rare. While I admit that years of spending weekdays in a climate controlled office has made me a bit of a temperature wimp, consistent triple digit temperatures likely weakened the resolve of many native Bay Areans. So, despite an inner emotional struggle, I turned on my AC in the evenings, enjoying the decadence of being cool while nature was trying so hard to give me heat stroke.

When my bill comes around for this lavish use, though, I don't think I'll look at it. Such is the value to the miserly of paying by EFT.

Image courtesy of liberalmind1012

On Efficiency

2006-07-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

Efficiency is a double-edged sword.

On one hand, you can be the talk of the town for your ability to get things done - fast. On the other hand, being efficient can make co-workers feel uncomfortable and can lower the morale of those unable to keep up with your ability to crank out results. It can also leave you struggling to look busy as you work to walk the line between boredom and volunteering for so many assignments that you're doomed if too many of those assignments require deliverables at once.

So what to do? How does one find balance between thumb-twiddling and burnout?

Some say the solution is "a life." Others say the solution is to use up time making everything you produce as perfect as possible - whether it's a final deliverable or just a draft.

I don't know the answer, and in the interest of efficiency, I'll just ask: do you?

Image courtesy of cell105

Drive

2006-07-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

Years ago, I was a very driven person. My desire to prove my worth by receiving professional awards and promotions lead to bulldozer behavior that left a trail of human carnage in my wake. Although my desire to succeed occasionally blinded me to the concerns and emotions of others, I was aware enough to know that putting myself in a people-manager role would be devastating to those who were entrusted in my corporate care.

Imagine my karmic chuckle, then, when I recently joined a team led by a person who is very much as I was so long ago. While I firmly believe that we are all in charge of own well-being, I appreciate the difficulty of remaining centered when a person who exerts control over one's success consistently contributes negative energy to one's attempts to remain positive. (Our team is comprised of volunteers, but my team leader's influence is as strong and as meaningful as if we operated in a paid environment.)

Don't get me wrong. One of the things I find so professionally attractive about my colleague is the deep-seeded desire to get things done. As many of us know, though, often the "how" of producing results is just as, if not more, important to human beings as the actual results.

Years of hard knocks have since replaced my single-minded determination with empathy and the peace that can accompany the self-knowledge that work, money, and career are only three of the many aspects of life that can bring meaning to existence. I find it ironic that I must now participate in the grim environment I would have created were it not for those uncomfortable life lessons.

I guess it is true that we may not appreciate difficult times until years after they occur. Looking at my colleague, I can't help but be relieved that I'm no longer looking in a proverbial mirror.

Image courtesy of garrulus

Looking Smart At The Office

2006-06-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen it yet, check out Stanford's How Everyday Things Are Made. While the website appears conspicuously similar to a website from which you might actually learn something, it's a fun way to fill your mind with the kind of trivia that can lead your friends and colleagues to believe that you're some kind of genius. Moreover, the website is video-based, so you don't even have to read anything.

One way to look really smart: bring jelly beans or M&Ms into the office for everyone to share. Make sure to place the sweets near your desk so you can see when co-workers come by for a treat. Then, spring to intercept them while they're eating and casually ask, "Did you know that buttered popcorn is the most popular flavor from Jelly Belly?" or "How do you think they put the shell on the outside of M&Ms?" (then supply the answer, using your co-worker's M&M as a visual aid).

Similar witticisms can be developed to introduce when colleagues are drinking from a soda bottle or can, standing next to the water cooler, or wearing denim jeans. Check out the Online Tours section for details on how lots of other things are made - from musical instruments to jukeboxes.

Have fun looking smart!

Image courtesy of Jason Dubya

Did you hear that?

2006-06-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

Certain frequencies become harder to hear as we age. While attempts to communicate with elderly friends and relatives ("What's that you say?") make this general concept no surprise, I was amazed to learn that significant differences in hearing ability can appear in as little as 10 years - even if you don't listen to an iPod at full volume every day.

Teenagers, as they are known to do, have exploited this upper hand of youth by leveraging a dog whistle-like tone as a cell phone ring, enabling classmates to chuckle at the fact that teachers can't hear hundreds of text message alerts go off during class.

As a person who has lost the ability to hear these tones, I wonder about the use of this hearing difference to create a Logan's Run line of demarcation between those who can hear high frequencies and those who can't. How soon is it before lobbyists, government agencies, or marketers (like me) target the younger population by broadcasting messages only in high frequencies? Will youth take over Earth by using these frequencies to pass secret, subversive messages? Is this already happening? Would your teenager tell you if it were?

As we face this uncertain future, one thing's for sure: I now have proof that my young nephew's claims of not having heard my requests to "stop it" are very likely untrue.

Image courtesy of A is for Angie

And You Thought Your Job Was Unpleasant

2006-06-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

If, like me, you don't consider your job to be Heaven, check out Discovery Channel's Deadliest Catch. The show chronicles the truly horrific working conditions of Alaskan Crab fishermen (think: The Perfect Storm). Job benefits include a nearly 100% injury rate and the fear not that someone will die, but that the crew won't be able to retrieve the body. The show's theme song is Bon Jovi's Dead or Alive - and I don't think it's referring to the crab.

Of course, one of the reasons such employment is so popular is that only a few months of work is required to pay a year's worth of family living expenses. Sort of makes the complaints of professional athletes - who also only work part of the year - seem weak(er), though.

Despite regular comments from the fishermen that they "live for this stuff", I'm still humbled by the notion that my consumption of Gumbo and other seafood dishes is only made possible by the loss of human life. Although eating less crab would likely only hurt these fishermen's (or is it "fisherpeople's"?) livelihoods - defeating any intent to better their lives - after watching only one episode, I'm never going to be able to order crab again without saying a silent word of thanks. My job may not be Heaven, but at least it's not life-threatening.

Image courtesy of ktylerconk

A Personal Trainer In Your Pocket

2006-05-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

If you've been living under a rock called "lots of work" and haven't heard about Nike and Apple's latest innovation, you've missed hearing about one of the neatest ideas to hit the world of amateur running since the Walkman Sport. Cheaper than many multi-function pedometers on the market, the Nike+iPod Sport Kit relays information on time, distance, calories and pace to your iPod Nano.

What's amazingly cool: the wireless sensor embedded in Nike's running shoe is capable of relaying real-time metrics to the athlete via the iPod's headphones. What's more, the Kit can reportedly enable your iPod to play music that's synched with your pace.

Of course, you have to buy $100 running shoes and a Nano, but anyone who buys running shoes regularly knows that $100 can be a bargain. And, if you don't own a Nano yet, isn't it time to upgrade to cool?

While I'm no marathoner, I do usually struggle to keep my mind off of the monotony and discomfort of a run. I can't wait for this solution - which seems to combine the feedback of a personal trainer with a well-DJ'd party. Who knows? In three months, my run might actually be fun.

Image courtesy of johannrela

20 Questions

2006-05-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

The Economist recently wrote about the Participation Age, an era in which technology has granted more people access to everything from article publication (e.g. blogs) to product development (e.g. Linux). In the spirit of such participation, I've proposed several choices below that require the most limited of effort to engage in The Cox Vox discussion.

Of course, some of these choices may feel to some of you like no choice at all (a lá Stephen Colbert's famous question: "The war in Iraq. Great war or the greatest war?"). You should, however, be able to find at least one question that represents a real choice for you. Feel free to use these inquiries as work water cooler ice breakers. Use this blog's "comments" feature to let us know your choices.

Digital or Analog?
Starbucks or Peet's?
Chris Rock or Dave Chappelle?
Beastie Boys, Backstreet Boys, Boyz II Men, or Boyz in the Hood?
Hybrid or Electric?
Coke or Pepsi?
Cloak or Dagger?
Democrat or Republican?
Satin or Silk?
Straight or Curly?
OJ or Jamba Juice?
Hot or Cold?
East Bay or South Bay?
Copy or Scan?
Now or Later?
Giants or As?
Sun or Microsoft?
Yin or Yang?
Tom or Jerry?
Yes or No?

Goodbye TiVo, Hello PC

2006-05-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

This question from The Cox Vox email bag comes from Mark in Walnut Creek, CA who asks: "I recently purchased a TiVo, but I feel unnerved by its tracking of my viewing habits, ostensibly to offer programming suggestions. I get the feeling that someone in the government is monitoring my viewing habits, waiting to add me to the Terror Watch List. Should I worry?"

Dear Mark,

A few weeks ago, Yahoo released beta software that promises to transform your PC into a DVR. The software, when combined with an AV cable and a TV tuner card, allows a Windows-equipped PC to record and playback shows on a TV. If your computer's equipped with a DVD drive, you can also throw out your DVD player and use your PC to play back movies, music, and downloaded media content.

The solution not only allows you to avoid pesky monthly fees, but it also allows you to record anonymously. If there are good reasons for you to be added to the Watch List, however, this solution likely won't thwart the NSA.

Image courtesy of jmillerdp and scottfeldstein.

Clip Show

2006-04-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

When television writers can't come up with a compelling new script, they cleverly link past episode scenes into a clip show. The writers of Lost, for example, reveal almost nothing new nearly every week, relying on flashbacks and clips of previous shows to, ostensibly, bring the irregular viewer up to speed.

In the same spirit, I think there are some past Cox Vox articles that deserve to be revisited. More to the point, I still encounter people who have yet to benefit from the wisdom (said with tongue firmly in cheek) that I've painstakingly detailed in some of my columns.

If you're still not pulling over to the right to allow faster cars to pass you on a single lane highway, I beseech you to review my frustrations on this topic.
If you don't care about being on time, try another perspective.
If you think everyone on your email distribution list cares about your personal thoughts, have pity on innocent bystanders.
And, if you're still not speeding through the Starbucks line, please, for the love of all things good, carefully read (and follow) my coffee ordering tips.

Are you sure that none of my requests applies to you? Consider this.

Enjoy the clips.

Image courtesy of quinet

The Wrath Of The Retrograde

2006-03-30T09:00:00.000-08:00

The mercury retrograde is a time when astrologers advise people to prepare for unexpected delays, frustrations, and (usually negative) surprises. It's a time when the universe prompts us to reflect, rethink, and complete "unfinished business" rather than start new projects - which if attempted, astrologers tell us, will be fraught with unexpected setbacks. It's also a notoriously bad time to sign contracts or buy electronic devices.

While I normally pay the kind of attention to astrology that one might pay to an urban myth - believing just enough to not walk into trouble should the myth be true - I never really structured my life around retrograde dates.

Until now.

During this month's retrograde (March 3-25), my long time cell phone's display stopped working. Since I knew that my phone wouldn't last forever, I wasn't phased. I immediately ordered a replacement phone from my carrier's website. Two days later, I received an email indicating that my order had been canceled. What?!

I followed the directions in the cancellation email and created a second online order. Several days later, with my new phone no where in sight, I called my carrier only to find out that neither of my orders appeared in their system. So, I placed a third order, which finally made it to me the day before the end of the retrograde.

If this had been the only incident, I probably would have chalked it up to a series of unfortunate events. However, at the same time I struggled to get a working cell phone, one of the ink cartridges in my printer stopped working without warning. A quick trip to the office supply store, and the problem was solved. However, having never experienced this type of cartridge failure before, I noted the timing. I began to think that perhaps I should pay closer attention to this retrograde thing.

Having escaped with relatively minor scrapes during this month's astrological backtrack, I count myself fortunate that my previous scoffs at the retrograde's impact weren't met with more severe consequences. From now on, I'll pay closer attention to retrograde dates.

Like Natalie Wood in Miracle on 34th Street : I believe, I believe, I believe.

Image courtesy of beesparkle

The Pitfalls Of Giving

2006-03-23T09:00:00.000-08:00

"Philanthropy is decades behind business in applying rigorous thinking to the use of money." So says Michael Porter from the Harvard Business School. Quoted in the February 25th edition of The Economist, Porter reportedly believes that the philanthropic world could improve itself by learning a few things from the private sector.

Unfortunately, many non-profits I've worked with lack the leadership and skilled labor to emulate private sector strategy and practices.

Of course, there are non-profit employees who get that the world is changing and understand that relying on ancient techniques will eventually result in the demise of their organization. But as The Economist points out, "there is no market discipline to force philanthropists to adopt innovations."* Moreover, since they don't have the pressure associated with stockholders, many non-profits lack accountability - unless they're fortunate enough to have a strong Board or very vocal and persistent stakeholders. The result is organizations that coast along, doing just enough to receive gifts from donors who don't pay close attention.

Having worked at two non-profits myself, I'm embarrased by how much dead weight (e.g. low performing employees) these organizations carry - and how much of people's generous donations are spent inefficiently and without consistent strategic review.

Evidently, I'm not the only one. Vartan Gregorian, current head of the Carnegie Corporation and a man whom I first heard speak almost 20 years ago, assesses that non-profits often "sacrifce efficiency for virtue" by dedicating all assets to programs and not setting aside any resources for strategic and organizational improvement. In 2004, Bill Bradley (the former presidential hopeful) and two McKinsey consultants wrote in a Harvard Business Review article that in America, "there was a '$100 billion opportunity' for the non-profit sector to improve its efficiency through better management." Has that message reached the non-profits you work with?

Light at the tunnel's end?
Due to their relatively low pay and often mismanged organization cultures, many non-profits have historically been unable to attract top talent. Recently, though, the number of business school graduates headed to the non-profit sector has increased. While an MBA is certainly no guarantee of competence, perhaps these graduates will be able to infuse strategic business techniques and current technology into these often dinosaur-like organizations. To me, doing so just makes $ense.

* All quotes taken from The Economist, February 25, 2006 edition.

Image courtesy of kevin

The Horrible "Reply All" Loop

2006-03-16T09:00:00.000-08:00

We all make email mistakes. Sometimes we send messages we haven't finished composing. Sometimes we inadvertently send emails to Jane Smith rather than the Jane Smythe we intended. Some email practices, though, aren't mistakes - they're a hallmark of rudeness at best (and at worst, incompetence). One such practice: repeatedly choosing to "reply all."

As I sat deleting forty emails resulting from a cascade of responses, I wondered why recipients continued to hit "reply all" even after 15 people sent messages specifically asking the email list not to reply to everyone. Don't the "reply all" culprits get irritated by the mass of emails in their inbox? Don't the angry responses clue them in that hitting "reply all" is a bad idea?

Some email clients do place the "reply all" button perilously close to the "reply" button. But how many times does one have to copy the entire office to realize how the "reply all" button functions? Here's a suggestion: if you or someone you know repeatedly hits "reply all" by accident, remove "reply all" from your toolbar.

~~Reply~~ Irritate All
Given the number of people who apparently believe that an entire email list cares whether or not they can make it to a meeting, we could all help each other by using the "Bcc:" line for large distributions (please - don't make me beg). Doing so would protect list members' privacy, save recipients the trouble of scrolling past 200 addresses, and avoid the "reply all" trap once and for all.

Image courtesy of madzik

When Humanity Becomes House Keys

2006-03-09T09:00:00.000-08:00

Since the FDA approved human RFID implants in October, it seems that people have been clamoring to use the chips for everything from tracking their childrens' whereabouts to unlocking home, car, and office doors.

The technology isn't new, having been used for years to keep pets secure and tag property. With the FDA's approval, however, using one's body to transact will likely become more ubiquitous; one day you might avoid Starbucks lines by programming your order and payment into a chip in your arm.

The downside, of course, is the potential for abuse. While advocates insist that use of these chips and other forms of biometric identification will improve security, the possibility that George Orwell's vision will come to life as a Minority Report world is more than a little likely. For me, though, the most frightening aspect of this new technology is not loss of privacy - as Scott McNealy so eloquently put it, "You have zero privacy anyway. Get over it." Instead, I'm apprehensive about how thieves might adapt to a world based on biological identification systems.

Insecure Security
In the old days, townspeople could be reasonably assured that if they were robbed, nothing more than the government notes in their pockets would be lost. In the future, thieves may become more interested in (removing) our eyes, hands, arms, and other body parts than in our cash. I don't know about you, but I prefer living with material losses to having my hand chopped off just so a thug can steal my car.

I'm all for convenience. As an identity theft survivor, I'm also all for finding ways to keep lazy cashiers, disinterested bank employees, and mindless credit card company minions from granting credit to anyone with a 9-digit code. But, while I can replace cash and repair my credit, my body parts aren't so easily restored. Carrying around keys and credit cards is a small price to pay to continue to be able to play the piano.

If only, along with developments in biometric technology, we could create machines that sense bad intentions, denying access to criminals and other ne'er-do-wells. Until this unlikely advancement, though, I imagine prosthetics companies may have an unexpectedly bright future.

Image courtesy of tobai

Have you seen these laptops?

2006-03-02T09:00:00.000-08:00

Cool comes to Windows

As a Silicon Valley native, I find few incremental technology changes get me as excited as I was last week when I learned of Asus' new laptops that emphasize form as well as function.

Technology as a style statement has long been a part of Apple's productions, and Windows laptop manufacturers seem to have finally realized what car buyers have known for years: performance is only part of what's needed to impress your friends.

The growing trend toward personalization not only ensures that one can tell one's machine apart from others on a conference table, but also allows users to play their own game of Fashion Plates by making sure their laptop, phone, iPod, and clothing all share the same shade of bright pink.

The laptops offered by Asus are set to be released in April and sport exteriors that mirror the rear grille of a 1970 Lamborghini Miura, use the same materials as Formula 1 car, come in a range of colors, and include textures such as leather.

While the new laptops aren't cheap (depending on the configuration, a Lamborghini laptop costs between $2,790 and $3,140), they are sure to make your techno-geek friends jealous and increase your popularity at a Starbucks

hot spot.

Image courtesy of scottfeldstein

Tall Tales

2006-02-02T09:00:00.000-08:00

Not many people know this about me, but in my youth I was quite an adventurer. After climbing to the summits of several mountains, I trekked 1000 miles in the Himalayas on a spiritual quest.

My spiritual journey took a horrifying turn, however, when my hiking companions and I became stranded in a snowstorm that lasted for days and obliterated the natural trail we were following. Trapped, with no source of food (we were able to eat snow to remain hydrated), we witnessed a miracle as several wild boar killed each other in a fight. Using the boar meat to supplement our packed rations, we were able to survive long enough for a rescue team to find us. To my amazement, I survived and was fortunate enough to share my story in 100 Days In The Snow, a book that's still in print today.

Now, if you believe the text above, ask yourself if you've read with an analytical mind. For example, a quick Amazon or Google search would have alerted you to the likelihood that my claim of writing a book is false. Given that I may have stretched the truth on one point, a diligent reader might wonder if anything else I reported might be a revision of reality.

I worry that we've been lulled into believing that if it's in print, it must be true. As demonstrated by the number of people who believed James Frey's tale, many of us believe what we read without pausing to considering the text's veracity.

The Business of Books
My friends in publishing may disagree, but it's my assessment that few books these days are written for the good of humanity. Even if an author has noble intentions, publishers look for stories that are compelling, marketable, and likely to sell. After all, publishing is a business. Even newspapers, which were ostensibly created to keep the average citizen informed and engaged, choose headlines and stories not (only) to improve the reader's quality of life but to sell papers.

Frey's book included superhuman feats such as boarding a plane while caked in blood and vomit (perhaps some flight attendants are that permissive, but I can't imagine being the person sitting next to Frey on the plane) and undergoing dental surgery without pain medication (not only would the average human likely have gone into shock from the pain, but I can't imagine a dentist who would ethically perform such surgery). Although people were quick to herald Frey's book as a shocking, "heartbreaking" memoir of addiction and redemption, apparently only three reporters stopped to ask questions.

I'm not suggesting that we all become skeptical curmudgeons who don't believe anything without scientific proof. And, I don't claim that the notion of "everyone else is doing it" is an excuse to misrepresent works of fiction as factual accounts. But, I do think there's an element of caveat emptor at work in our literary marketplace that necessitates the need for readers to be at least partly responsible for evaluating the facticity of what we choose to believe. If you don't share my thinking, I have a bridge for sale...

Image courtesy of alaskandingo

Writer's Block

2006-01-26T09:00:00.000-08:00

One of the reasons I began this blog was to develop my writing skills. If I could also give readers a chuckle or cathartic read (e.g. "I'm glad someone said it!") each week, all the better. Unfortunately, coming up with compelling text every week is hard.

Many who know me may find this hard to believe, but unlike Andy Rooney, I'm not always able to transform the mundane into a situation annoying enough to write about in a weekly column. While my life is far from perfect and I usually concentrate on how empty the proverbial glass is, this week I didn't come up with a Cox take on what's happening in the world.

They say that writer's block is the sign of a good author - the line of demarcation being that lesser scribes believe that everything they write is worth publishing. So, I suppose I can regard this lapse of content as a sign that I'm becoming very accomplished.

In the meantime, don't let this blog get boring. Let its readers know your thoughts on the columns I have posted. Otherwise, I'll have to resort to posting a blatantly outrageous point of view in an effort to increase reader commentary. And nobody wants that.

13 Months Of The Year

2006-01-12T09:00:00.000-08:00

Last week, I performed my monthly ritual of flipping my calendar forward to reveal all of the pleasures and horrors of the next 4-5 weeks. This time, however, I faced a heart wrenching dilemma: should I switch to my 2006 calendar now or display my 13-month 2005 calendar for its remaining month? The stress was overwhelming. To which calendar should I be loyal: the old one that served me so well in 2005 or the young, new 2006 upstart?

I don't know who thought up the idea for a 13-month calendar, but I have yet to understand why such a calendar would be thought a practical, good idea. I suppose there are people who don't plan to need a calendar past January, but the majority of us have to either discard a perfectly good calendar month or find a temporary location for the new year's calendar (and, had we really needed a calendar for that location, we would have bought one - see the problem?).

No, I don't have triskaidekaphobia. I just hate squandering the resource of our forests to produce millions of pages that no one uses.

To avoid such waste, I've tried to come up with other uses for my extra January. I thought about creating a country that only exists for 31 days a year. I also considered using the extra January as a separate advent calendar to count down to the super-exciting day of February 1st. I even considered organizing a "Calendars Across America" campaign that would raise awareness of the need to reduce, reuse, and recycle. None of these alternatives was appealing, though.

So, one of my calendars sits waiting to be used while the other receives all the glory this month. Since my 2006 calendar is also thirteen months long (it was given to me as a gift - I wouldn't intentionally buy one), next year I plan to create a series of questions that each calendar must answer to compete for the honor of hanging in my office. January never had it so good.

Image courtesy of powerbooktrance

Your New Year Workout Plan

2006-01-05T09:00:00.000-08:00

For many workers, the start of a new year is accompanied by resolutions designed to undo some of the damage resulting from sedentary jobs and holiday overindulgence. To jump start a new or add new zest to an existing fitness routine, some of us look for new sports in which to engage.

I've been advised of the health benefits of walking, jogging, cycling, kickboxing, and even bowling - a game that's so catchy it's become a varsity sport in 16 states. I haven't heard much about less traditional sports, however. In fact, it seems that everyone has forgotten about one of the oldest sports known to Man: sleeping.

One of The American Heritage Dictionary's definitions of "sport" is "diversion." A diversion is "something that distracts the mind and relaxes." Sleeping certainly distracts the mind - even resulting in the occasional dream - and relaxes the body. In addition to these benefits, sleeping:

is fun. Lucid dreams can be quite an adventure, and most people feel refreshed after a good period of sleep.
can be done year-round in any weather. Does snowfall, wind-chill, rain, or blistering heat limit your sports plans? Rejoice, for sleeping can be done indoors or out at any time of day. No need to worry about weather or nightfall - temperature and light can be easily controlled in the comfort of your own room, bed, or chair. And, once you're asleep, you won't even notice your surroundings.
is open to athletes of all levels. If you're intimidated by marathoners or tri-athletes, sleeping is the sport for you. You'll likely find that your sleeping skills are on par with some of the best athletes in the world.
doesn't require special equipment. Got a heart? At least one lung? A brain? You're good to go.
can lead to other bed-based exercise. Provide your own commentary here.
is likely to be done on a daily basis. No longer will a lack of motivation affect how often you work out. In fact, if you're tired, sleeping is the perfect sport.
has a low injury rate. If you've ever blown out your knee or hurt your back, you'll appreciate the low injury rate associated with sleeping. While the occasional toss or turn might result in a pulled muscle, the odds of injury are certainly much lower than they would be in, say, a competitive game of racquetball.
is an appetite suppressant. While sleeping, you can be assured you won't be hungry. Sleep long enough, and you'll find that several mealtimes pass without you even realizing it.

So, as you start this year's fitness plan, consider adding sleeping to your workout, and watch the pounds melt away.

Image courtesy of sister72

Copernicus's Theory

2005-12-29T09:00:00.000-08:00

Although I spent a few years of my career in the often thankless role of customer service, I am still amazed by the number of people who are unaware of Nicolaus Copernicus's theory: that our solar system's planets revolve around the Sun, not the concerns of one individual. The last few weeks have presented me with two exceedingly depressing examples of Americans' occasional belief that we're due things we haven't earned.

The first instance seeped into my consciousness as "Apprenticegate." During the finale of The Apprentice, Donald Trump asked winner Randal whether runner-up Rebecca should also be hired. As I sat flabbergasted - wondering why Trump shifted the burden of his indecisiveness to Randal's shoulders - Randal replied with his now famous response of, essentially, "no."

Ignoring the possible racial implications of Trump's question, I was next chagrined by the not altogether unexpected Jerry Springer-like audience reaction to Randal's very justified response. The "boo"s came quickly. Apparently, no one wondered why Trump had bothered to make the contestants execute a last task if he had really planned to hire both of them.

As I watched a segment prompted by the incident on Larry King Live, I had to wonder whether the news outlets would have made such a fuss over a lottery winner choosing not to share his winnings with "almost winners" or over Lance Armstrong refusing to share the Yellow Jersey with the next cyclist crossing the finish line.

Perhaps the most disheartening aspect of Apprenticegate was that Rebecca appeared to feel entitled to a role she didn't win. Despite the fact that she very likely would have been labeled a "pity-hire", Rebecca seemed genuinely shocked that she was not allowed to share the spotlight with the actual victor (although, she will likely receive more publicity from this outcome than she would of had she been hired by Randal).

Shortly after witnessing this stupefying incident, I was sent an email flame by a person who also seems to be unfamiliar with Copernicus's work. I volunteer to collect and publish updates about people in an organization to which I belong. One group member felt that her news was unjustly edited, evidently believing news of her life to be more important than others'. Apparently having no concept of concerns other than her own, she felt the best way to handle her perceived slight was to attack a peer (me).

While her poor choice of email words may simply reflect a character flaw, I couldn't help but see similarities between the flamer's indignation and Rebecca's astonishment that her desires were not put before Randal's.

Guilty as charged
Of course, I throw very small stones here. Abundance can breed a sense of entitlement in all of us. Consider how fast the pure joy of a child's first Christmas gift turns into "What? An Xbox again?"

Even I find myself territorial about my office space - forgetting that the space doesn't belong to me, it belongs to the company I work for. Rather than be happy that I can turn my chair around 360 degrees (which wasn't always the case when I worked for a start-up during the dot-com boom), I sometimes find myself silently whining about how small my cube is compared to others'.

What I hope is that we can use the fresh start of the New Year to better appreciate what we're given. Being more appreciative is an oft-made resolution, but perhaps we can add the twist of understanding when we're not given something as well. Instead of fuming when we don't receive expected rewards, it would be great if we could first look to see what we - not someone else - need do to produce the outcome we'd like. Personally, I'm going to study up on heliocentric theory.

Image courtesy of lakerae

A Holiday Song

2005-12-15T09:00:00.000-08:00

I grew up during a time when businesses and employees wished customers and colleagues a "Merry Christmas" rather than the presently politically correct "Happy Holidays." Singing Christmas carols in a state-funded school was far from being a problem. As one of the few kids in my elementary school who didn't celebrate any winter holidays, however, I felt left out when my class spent the day before Christmas (not Winter) break singing Jingle Bells and other familiar tunes.

To walk the line between betraying my beliefs and being a class outcast, I chose to sing using slightly altered lyrics. In the spirit of sharing that tends to go with this season, I cheerfully present one of those altered songs for you to enjoy.

Rudolph the Shiny-gunned Cowboy
You know all of the cowboys from Hollywood.
Some fought for bad, some fought for good.
But, do you recall
The most famous cowboy of all?

Rudolph the shiny gunned cowboy
Had a very shiny gun.
And, if you ever saw it,
You would turn around and run.

All of the other cowboys
Used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
Play in any poker games.

Then one foggy, foggy night,
The sheriff came to say:
Rudolph with your gun so bright,
Won't you target shoot with me tonight?

Then all the other cowboys
Rallied 'round and shouted with glee:
Rudolph the shiny-gunned cowboy,
You'll go down in his-tor-ee!

The Cox Vox will return on December 29, 2005.

Image courtesy of Jeff Bucchino

On Relevance

2005-12-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

As a marketing consultant, I often deal with businesses that are actively working to acquire clients. Ideally, these companies would have conducted market research before developing their product or service. Unfortunately for many of these firms, they're caught in what I call the Engineer's Dilemma: they've created a cool offer that doesn't have many takers. Although the "if you build it, they will come" concept works well in movies, it tends to manifest itself in real life as a Newton, Betamax player, or New Coke.

My chosen craft is to work with these businesses to build an audience for their offer. To do this, we usually end up tweaking the offer to address actual marketplace wants and needs. We survey the market, build brand trust and awareness, create alliances, and offer compelling pricing and promotions. Most importantly, though, our marketing message specifies how the company's product or service addresses existing marketplace concerns. We work to direct our offer to the segment of consumers who are actually interested in what we have to say.

If only the same attention to meaning took place in our professional interactions. How many emails do you receive each day that really don't need your attention? How many pieces of direct mail do you automatically recycle? How many colleagues spend time telling you the life story of their project without giving thought to what you need to know in order to help them?

Hitting the mark
Making sure communication is relevant isn't easy. Often, it takes time and audience research to articulate only concise, essential ideas. When speaking with people we know, however, making sure information we're supplying is necessary and applicable should be a straightforward task.

If I know a person well enough to consume his time with lengthy conversation, I usually know about what he cares (and what he doesn't). When having a discussion at work, try to keep in mind that it's one thing to have a willing, relaxed chat about the details of a friend's day. It's another to be forcibly bombarded with non sequiturs that steal precious life minutes that can never be recovered.

The next time you're tempted to provide a colleague with a lengthy explanation of how much effort you put into generating your latest set of data tables, consider whether or not he (or his mood) can truly benefit from your verbal report. If you don't assess that your listener will be able to use or act on the information you're sharing, think about changing your content or waiting until you can craft a more pertinent conversation. Doing so may earn you a friend and just might land you a great job in marketing.

Image courtesy of tbonemccool

Holiday Cheer

2005-12-01T09:00:00.000-08:00

As it is for many Americans, one the joys of Thanksgiving for me is watching Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. This year we witnessed an unfortunate balloon accident replayed over and over again by the nation's media outlets. Reportedly, a 26-year-old woman and her 11-year-old sister were injured when an M&M balloon collided with a lamp post in Times Square. Portions of the broken post hit the girl's head, and the woman, who uses a wheel chair, was also injured.

For me, the most remarkable aspect of this incident was that the two women have chosen not to sue (yet). Although their apparent injuries aren't likely as life-altering as those of a 1997 parade victim (who suffered a skull fracture, was in a coma for nearly a month, and says the accident caused permanent brain damage), not filing suit in this era is almost the act of a saint.

Having just finished reading John Grisham's The King of Torts, a novel that follows disreputable mass tort attorneys, I was pleasantly surprised by the sisters' choice. We live in a country that can sometimes encourage people to sue for experiences that decades ago might have simply been considered bad luck. Personally, I've been surprised by the number of burglars who, when injured by prepared homeowners, have successfully sued for damages - often winning more money via litigation than they would have received from completing their crime.

For now, the two sisters have chosen not to follow the same litigious path. I hope the women are celebrated for their generosity of spirit and their understanding that, sometimes, bad things happen to great people. If they continue to decline to sue, it will be a great story of forgiveness for this holiday season - a story of humanity that more and more shoppers can apparently stand to embrace.

Black Friday
The first news footage that I saw on November 25th, the official start of the holiday shopping season, was a brawl over laptops at a Florida Wal-Mart. Footage of people being trampled as they rushed to be the first into stores followed.

When did shopping become a full contact sport in which cut throat tactics and body armor is required? Hopefully, if we aren't able to buy the exact gift we want right now - a gift that will likely be returned on December 26th anyway - we can remember the sentiment illustrated by the two sisters and consider the episode an inconvenience, not cause to wrestle fellow shoppers to the ground.

So, as you struggle to find a parking space, wait weeks for delayed shipments of online orders, or lament the number of trees required to print all of those holiday catalogs overflowing your mailbox, try to have a good time and a positive spirit. Me? I'm glad that our economy is strong enough that people are fighting to spend money - although I wish it weren't actual assault.

Image courtesy of hey paul

Too Much Car?

2005-11-17T09:00:00.000-08:00

As I drove into my work's parking lot Monday morning, I found two cars occupying two parking spaces each. While some parking lots have room for "new car parking" (which these cars weren't), my workplace's lot is pressed for space, and I found the lack of care demonstrated by these drivers to be especially discourteous.

The 2-space parkers reminded me of an increasingly pervasive practice of SUV drivers, who often misjudge the boundaries of standard spaces. While I try to give these tank drivers the benefit of the doubt - growing up in a family of eight, I know sitting in a station wagon jump seat is no fun - I often wonder if the size of their vehicles truly registered with them during their purchase.

In spite of the staggering fuel bills, many SUV owners with whom I've spoken report that they enjoy an increased feeling of safety in their mammoths. I suspect this security is counterbalanced by the vehicles' girth, however. Not only are these drivers tacitly asking for wide-swinging coupe car doors like mine to hit their autos in the close confines of our modern parking lots, but some SUV owners (most likely those transitioning from a smaller car) often appear to have trouble managing such unwieldy vehicles.

Single lane slowpokes
My commute includes a six mile stretch of single-lane road. Often, I have the misfortune of being trapped behind a large truck or SUV whose driver is unsure how to navigate a road that isn't completely straight. As my fingernails sink into my steering wheel to compensate for my frustration, I have to wonder why these drivers (i) choose to drive this road during peak commute hours and (ii) choose to drive this road at all.

Back roads like the one I use are often less-traveled due to a higher degree of driving difficulty. The logic goes: if you aren't able to drive these routes with confidence, don't. These roads are an earned perk of veteran commuters who know where they're going and have built the skill to navigate them quickly.

I imagine trying to maneuver a giant box complicates the challenge of being an unsure driver, and it's likely a recipe for only being able to reach 20 mph on a road with a 45 mph limit. Unfortunately, these drivers apparently don't understand what a solid double line means; why they don't pull over and let the line of 15 cars behind them pass will remain a mystery.

Better than a horse and buggy
At the proverbial end of the day, though, I suppose I can't complain. After all, I choose to drive rather than use alternative transportation. Taking the needed combination of BART, the ACE Train, and buses requires exponentially more time than driving behind people who aren't quite in the same hurry as I am. Given the other choices, travel by car is actually convenient. I suppose I'll just have to deal with the occasional Goliaths that occupy the road. At least until metal guard rails replace painted parking lot lines.

Image courtesy of paulip88

It's about time

2005-11-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

What is it about being on time that seems to elude so many people?

These days, when I attend a meeting at which all participants actually arrive by the meeting's planned start time, I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. I'm also flabbergasted by the countless collective hours I've waited for a date or friend to show up for a planned outing. Being late when someone else is waiting for you isn't fashionable, it's irritating.

Companies like FedEx and UPS have taught even the most procrastination-prone Americans that prompt arrival is possible. Even the Dalai Lama (the 14th: Tenzin Gyatso) - who reportedly values spiritual awareness over material goods - wears a watch. So, why don't most of us value each others' time enough to not waste it?

Perhaps our public schools no longer have the funding to teach students how to use the information they get from a clock, but when someone says "I'll be there at seven", that's a promise to actually show up at seven o'clock. Or, perhaps there's an undiagnosed learning disability going around; when some people look at a clock, they apparently don't see that seven o'clock and seven thirty are two different times.

I happen to believe that people have better things to do than to wait for me. Given this, I tend to be prompt for my commitments. The people I keep in my life also tend to share the assessment that people coordinate in advance for a reason. After all, why would I take precious moments out of my life to ask "Please be here at 8 o'clock" if I didn't care what time you arrived?

While occasional lateness (like occasional diarrhea) is unavoidable, some people make a habit of wasting other people's time, which, for me, is a strong slap in the face. I tend to view people who are chronically late with the same disgust with which I view that diarrhea problem. If only curing tardiness was as easy as taking Imodium® A-D.

Image courtesy of nothing

How to be loved by Starbucks patrons

2005-11-03T16:14:00.000-08:00

Having chosen to work for The (corporate) Man, I'm bound to show up for work every day, even if I'm technically too tired to do so. Thank goodness for a special substance called caffeine that gives my body a reason to live, even when my brain isn't quite ready.

My daily jump start comes from Starbucks, which, with its ubiquitous locations, has become my coffee chain of choice. (Yes, I know I'm not doing my part to support local merchants - but I work for The Man, remember?) Unfortunately, not every Starbucks patron is familiar with the coffee ordering process, so I humbly offer the following tips to help the novice on his or her way:

1. Know your drink.
During peak hours, many Starbucks lines can be quite long. You have plenty of time to figure out your drink. Please don't be the person who finally makes it to the front of the line, only to rub his chin and slowly say, "Let's see. I'll...have...a...what's a latte?"

Starbucks offers a great printed guide to its beverages, including detailed instructions on how to order the perfect drink for you. Or, visit Starbucks' website for a quick tutorial.

2. Are you a repeat offender? Get a Starbucks card.
Rather than paying with cash or credit, which can add excruciating seconds to your transaction, take advantage of the Starbucks Card. These cards - which double as gift cards - feature snazzy designs that can add a smile to your day. They're also automatically reloadable, so you don't have to worry about (and wait for the cashier to give you) your card balance at every transaction.

3. Starbucks is not a McDonald's Playland.
This reminder comes from a friend of mine who often visits the chain during the mid-morning. She reminds us all that displayed bags of coffee aren't building blocks, and while your child may be cute, a screaming toddler isn't the best medicine for sleepy adults who have yet to get their caffeine fix. And, by the way, Starbucks stuffed animals aren't free.

4. Beware the Office Order List of Death.
While your colleagues may think you're the greatest being on Earth for offering to get the entire office coffee, the people in line behind you probably don't share the sentiment. If you know you're going to be ordering 15 drinks, give the weary person in back of you a break, and let him order his single drink before you. Also, do us all a favor and don't split the check.

Of course, life would be so much nicer if Starbucks enabled those of us who order "the usual" to pre-order and pre-pay for our daily drink. What a world it would be if, after placing an online order at the beginning of the week, I could walk into my neighborhood Starbucks and pick up my drink at a specified daily time. I can only dream - a dream that will eventually be interrupted by my alarm clock and followed by a cup of coffee.

Let's do lunch (and other false promises)

2005-10-27T13:02:00.000-07:00

I recently ran into a colleague with whom I hadn't spoken for a few years. We dutifully exchanged business cards and promised to "keep in touch." Of course, I have no plan to contact him, and likely, he has no plans to give me a call.

Today, as I am most days, I was asked by an coworker, "How are you doing?". For a moment, I considered telling her the truth, but then I realized that no one wants to actually hear the bitter details when they ask this rhetorical question. I responded "fine" - my customary euphemism for "you don't want to know." We both walked away with a smile, quite pleased with ourselves for having completed our daily interaction and for having made a positive impression on the other.

I consider myself a fairly direct person, but I've found that a manageable social existence demands that I participate in this web of white lies from time to time. What puzzles me is why we put ourselves though these motions. Some have suggested that such recurrent verbal dances solidify our sense of belonging. To me, though, to participate in a disingenuous exchange makes me feel more, rather than less, distanced from my would-be comrades.

What would have been the outcome, I wonder, of having told my former colleague "You know, I really don't have a reason to contact you right now." Or, could I have explained to my coworker that I was having a bad day - but wouldn't bother her with the details? Are these types of honest responses just too jarring to the human soul, or are the majority of professionals ready to face the occasional messy truth? Tell me what you think.